55. Silent as the night is.

It’s nights like these that get to me sometimes. Incessant thoughts of past, present and future that make my heart beat a little bit faster, most of the time out of fear and anxiety, and just very rarely, out of joy.

Be still dear beating heart, you’ll be alright.

54. Come Alive.

and tomorrow, the battle continues.

53. Some Chords.

i’ll never get bored of views like this :)

52. Ghosts ‘n Stuff.

dear world,

Y WHEN U RAIN, U POUR??? BUT WHEN U NO RAIN, U DRY AS HELL???

gah.

/endrant.

51. In Search of Sunrise

I think I’m starting to fall in love with this place and its people :)

50. Called Out in the Dark.

Last weekend was eye-opening for me.

I had many firsts and an unexpected lesson in generosity and kindness. It astounds me how some people can extend, without a second thought, to complete strangers the kind of comfort and familiarity that is normally reserved for family or close friends.

This made an even bigger impact on me upon finding out the kind of hardship and emotionally-draining events that they’ve been through. Suddenly all your problems don’t matter anymore. Suddenly they don’t measure up anywhere close to the bar that they have set.

What I saw and what was extended to me felt truly genuine. I am so grateful in so many ways.

49. Let It Out.

Ask me 5 days ago if I was certain about what I was about to do and I’d answer you with the straightest face, ‘Yes.’
Ask me now, and I’ll tell you, ‘I am not sure.’
When more light was shed upon the whole situation and status quo, I sit here wondering what did I get myself into and whether things will turn out alright.

On the bright side, the new big guy has heard quite a bit about me (this is what happens when you’re in a niche industry and almost everyone know each other) and has a lot of confidence in me according to a colleague of mine, to which I retorted, ‘Confidence or expectations? There’s a very big difference between the two.’ The colleague replies, ‘Perhaps a little bit of both.’ and gives me a cheeky grin. Not too sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing hmmm.

I’m diving head first into everything and I’m loving it so far. Then again it is only just day three here and these things can change so quickly. And there’s always the nagging ‘what if’.

Man, I hope I made the right decision.

48. Short Circuit.

I sit here typing this, my fingers rough and slightly sore from a not-at-all-hardcore session of climbing today, and I can’t help but feel slightly nostalgic.

I think it comes with knowing I have to leave home again. It’s usually worse when I’ve been home for a long period of time (this time eight full months. wow.). It hadn’t hit me prior to this, but after returning from a wonderful two and a half weeks in Krabi of eat-sleep-climb, reality is starting to sink in. I’m making my list already of the things that I have to prepare, to pack, to get sorted out, to buy, to do, to eat and most importantly, people to see before I leave. Except this time the lists are exceptionally long. Everything is a lot harder this time around. I have no idea when I will be back in town next, how long will I be there etc. So many uncertainties.

But more than that, there have been things that have been on my mind – pages i need to fill before I embark again. Closure is a funny thing isn’t it? How some people require it and some don’t? How different people find closure in different ways. I found closure once with having to leave home again by taking the car and driving around aimlessly, passing by my favourite places along the way. Some might find it weird, borderline insane. But I needed it. It gave me one last chance of familiarity and comfort. As if hoping that things will stay the same while I’m gone, and if it doesn’t, noting what has changed the next time I was back.

Then there’s people. Oh how these eight months have taught me more about people than the past few years of my life. But I shall not dwell on what happened, rather focus more on what I have learnt from it – always have your guards up, never let your heart go too easily, what people say about you in front of you can be severely different from what they say about you behind your back, see people for the good that they are and not the bad, be fiercely loyal and to never let the little things get to you. Cryptic, I know. But you should have seen that coming already no? :P

I am trying to look forward to what lies ahead, but I sure will miss home and everything about it.
Yup, it just hit me that I have to leave. Again.

47. Smells Like Teen Spirit.

I’m really trying my best here.
But if no one tells me what I’m doing wrong, I’ll still be lost.

46. Postcards From Far Away

that gut feeling that you get when something’s gone wrong.